The Truth Man

Can't please everyone

It's true you can't please everyone.  

I had a client the other day email me a fairly passive aggressive email.  In short, she was wondering if I had time for her.  She wanted me to show her that I had done something that she had asked.  Well, interestingly enough her peer told me not to, and this client was copied on the email.  Instead of apologizing, this client basically made an excuse for not seeing her own peer's communication.

Even though I was on top of the project, the client jumped to conclusions.  She rang the bell as it were.  It's frustrating because you know you are doing everything right, but the client - at least momentarily - has a different perception, or expectations.

I was pretty ticked off.  I wanted to fire this client.  I suggested to my team that I would.  I learned two lessons from this transaction.  One, it's not all about me. It's about the team. Sometimes, you have to take one for the team for the betterment of the group.  The client is paying the bills so to speak.  

Two, unmet expectations seem to be a byproduct of lack of understanding or miscommunication.   Sometimes, the complainer just does understand what is going on even though it was communicated to him or her.  They are not taking the time out to review the communication. Instead, they top-sheet and jump to conclusions.  The net result is usually engaging in the blame game. 

I was able to respond to this client with poise but with directness.  In the end, sometimes it could be that the relationship has gone sour.  In business, it could be what Dr. Henry Cloud call's "Necessary Endings."  If the relationship is not good for me, and not for you, perhaps it's best to cut the losses and move on.  There's no shame in that. 

Passion

You've heard the story.  You go to school, try to get good grades, get into college, graduate, and find your "dream" job.  Some are "fortunate" and get to do what they are passionate in; others, not so much.

It's hard to define, right?  I think many of us have been conditioned to think that we like what we do.  It's no secret.  When you have invested so much into what you are doing, i.e., 4 years of college, 2-10 years of grad school, it's really hard to toss is aside.

But when no one is looking, and you are in your secret life do you ever ask yourself whether you truly like what you do?

I once heard someone say, "are you able to recommend your [work] life to someone else?" Wow.  This was a revelatory question to me.  Honestly, I am not sure that I can.  Like many of us, I do the daily grind, rinse, and repeat.  

I don't have all the answers; I don't pretend to. To me, it's a process, and a journey.  Finding your passion is one thing, but acting on it is quite another. 

Right in front of you

I was at the gym early this morning. I typically go after work and sometimes later at night, so the morning burst was a welcome change. 

I went to get a 15lb dumbbell (it's for the warm up, alright?) off the rack only to find one where I had been standing.  Next, I went to get a 25lb plate off another rack, and yet again only to find that there was one exactly the same leaning against the wall.  What's the point?

Twice, if I had looked around me or in front of me I would have saved time and energy (I know..saving energy but I'm at the gym?)  What dawned on me very quickly was that such is life, isn't it?  More often than not, the answer is right in front of us.

You may be going through some hard times right now, and  you may be searching high and low, deep and wide. May be the answer is very near you.  You just have to connect that to what you know to be true within you.  What is your soul saying to you about that tough decision?  If the choice you're about to make does not align with your values, and heart, you may have to look further. 

I think Oliver W. Holmes' words still ring true, "What lies before us, and what lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Now, back to finding that 45lb plate...

Anger...It's Real

Anger.  It's a real emotion.  When someone wrongs you, you may feel a sense of injustice and a heap of anger.  Just the other day, I felt just that.  Opposing counsel accused me of something that I clearly did not do.  It was weird how that sense stayed with me for a good part of the morning and even a little past lunch.  For those of us who have a deep sense of integrity it is very hard to overcome that feeling. 

The person who committed the wrong eventually apologized; I commend him for that.  Nevertheless, I was so offended.  I was so angry that I didn't even remember what I blogged about just a few days ago (scroll down) about emotions being just data, not direction.  While I didn't let my anger get out of hand, I noticed that it was marinating within me and right in my chest. 

In the end, I think it's just as important to recognize that while emotion is data, it can also potentially lead you down a direction that you may regret.  The key is to do three things.  STOP.  THINK.  REDIRECT.  That is, redirect that energy to something else. Like curling a dumbbell, it's super hard at first, but as you do it more and more that muscle grows and the curl gets a little easier (my biceps are huge now...j/k).   The ability to control your anger is a muscle; it requires practice. 

For us problem solvers think of it this way.  We strive for results.  Getting angry and staying there does not produce good results.  It never does. 

 

Priorities

There's no doubt.  We are all busy.  Busy going about our day.  Wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, spend time with the kids, and spouse.  Go to bed.  Repeat.  Wow.

If you're like me, you're doing the grind.  It's so cliche, isn't it?  You ask a coworker in elevator talk, "how you doing?"  Inevitably, the reply is "ok...I'm tired."  This default answer must have been said a billion times!  What it really translates to is "I don't have time to myself; I'm overworked; I don't get enough sleep; I need more in my life!   Oooo...did this hit home? ( You know me - I keep it real...)

What to do?

Well, don't prioritize your schedule, schedule your priorities.  It's easier said than done, I know.  Over time, I've learned to bust out my planner (old school) and jot down what my priorities are.   Do I always follow through?  Oh no!  But the process forces you to train yourself to do your best.  The late S. Covey said, "We don't manage time, we manage self."  This is so true.

Try it out.  Who knows?  You may get more sleep and not be so tired. 

Compass of Life

There's so much pressure.  Here, in the Bay Area, as in many Metropolitan areas, life is fast and unforgiving.  Rent is high and so are interest rates.  Well, at least they're creeping back up from 20 years ago.  There's a lot that we could complain about.  But, don't let the pressure mount up and beat you down.

I have to constantly remind myself that life is more than releasing pressure from different valves.  Yes, it's hard.  No, it's no fun.  But I think the key is to always come back to your core.  Remind yourself why you're doing what you're doing.  

One tool that I really like is the Compass of Life.  N stands for your true North.   Discovery, or reacquaint with your North Star.  What am I about?  S stands for Strategy.  What is your plan?  What are the tactics that you need to employe to maneuver through life?  E for Ethos.  This is your ethics and the boundaries that you've set for yourself.  And finally, W for Warrior.  This is your ability to do the heavy lifting, to go into battle, and conquer your foes.  

Keep your edge sharp.  We can do it!  

Emotions are data, not direction...

Every day, we all feel a certain way.  Sometimes, we are happy; other times, enraged.  It's important to keep in mind that emotions are data, not direction.  We should not allow our emotions to dictate our direction.  Our feelings are fleeting and come and go.  What's important is to manage your emotions.  

Your emotional intelligence (EI, or EIQ) is often what differentiates you from others.   For instance, in the workplace we are generally equal to our peers in terms of our smarts.  But what will give you the edge is deploying your ability to manage your emotions, and to recognize others' emotions at the appropriate time.

Grow a little bit each day

In both life and business you're either growing, or you're dying. There is no in between.  Like our children - our most prized possession - we nurture and feed them so that they can grow to become vibrant and productive citizens.  

Similarly, we have to constantly feed ourselves so that we, too, can stay on top, and keep the edge.  In our digitally driven world, we not only have to maintain our skills, but we have to also learn new ones.  

The minute that  you tell yourself that you've arrived, you've lost.  Never quite learning.  Invest in yourself because you are worth it.  

Staircase

"You don't have to see the entire staircase to take that first step." Martin Luther King, Jr.  

So often, we want to make sure that we are completely ready before we launch a business, or step into a relationship.  The truth is the time is now.  There is not a better time than now!  Believe me, I've taken my own advice.   A couple of years ago, I had an opportunity to change employers.  I had my reservations, but I jumped at the opportunity.  

I did my due diligence; I didn't know all the facts.  And guess what?  The job wasn't a great fit after all.  I couldn't wait to jump ship.  But I learned a valuable lesson: sometimes moving on to the next thing could just be a train stop in a long journey.  It shaped me in ways that I am just now discovering - and for the better! 

Now, with this blog I am taking additional steps up the staircase.  And I can't wait to see what's at the top.